Paranormal pregnancy, what does it mean to you?
Does it remind you of the The Entity, or perhaps Jill getting knocked up with the devil by a teenage boy in Nighty Night?
Or perhaps you’re a fan of interspecies fiction, and know that “paranormal pregnancy” is a whole genre of “literature” that sees everyday women roped in to being surrogates for alpha male weretigers’ cubs (this is an actual plot I kid you not), or female werecoyotes and male werewolves facing execution as they have blended their sacred bloodlines.
The other day while researching WerePups (also a thing), I stumbled upon this formerly unknown genre, and I’m not sure if I’m happy about it or not.
For a 10-book (TEN!!) bundle currently for sale on Amazon, the blurb crows, “WereBabies is a collection of Shapeshifter romances featuring one common theme, producing a BABY!”
I almost feel like I’ve just “discovered I’m pregnant with a werebear’s cub in the most terrifying way possible” (another genuine plot).
Don’t get me wrong, I’m jealous of these authors’ imaginations, least of all as I know how hard it is to write a piece of erotic fiction.
About 8 years ago, while delirious with norovirus, I tried writing my own version of 50 Shades after having a vomit powered “vision” of getting stinking rich and reinventing myself as a slutty Barbara Cartland.
I showed the manuscript to a friend I used to work with, he’s the kind of man who can get a semi thinking about sitting on a turned off washing machine, and it didn’t even spark a twitch in him.
Furthermore, the publishers I sent it to (one of which claimed it accepted submissions featuring ‘soft incest’) also told me it was awful.
I found it near impossible to describe the passionate mid-air romp involving Dianne De Silva, a 50-year-old CEO of a high end chair brand, and two muscular air stewards - so god knows how you weave a shape shifting, snarling, humanoid dog in to the mix.
And what about the um, bits and bobs? How do you make a slimy, tapered, lipstick tipped member in to something desirable?
Sadly I can’t answer that. I will never read these books for one very valid reason - I never want to pat a dog and call him a “good boy”... and see a good lay.