celebrating 1990s chat show goths: extreme makeovers and more
I am very passionate about trashy TV, but things aren't as good as they used to be.
As a teenager, I would bunk off school and spend hours watching a variety of chat shows on SKY. I like to think that this has made me the problem-solving, open-minded people person I am today.
Others might say it's the reason why I love an argument and always think everyone is a lying cheat.
I would get stuck in to homegrown staples like Kilroy, Vanessa, and Trisha, and also make time for glossy US equivalents like Jenny Jones, Jerry Springer, Sally Jesse Raphael, Ricki Lake, Montel Williams, and my absolute favourite, Maury Povich.
And believe it or not, there was a time that Oprah was just as trashy as the rest of them.
One of the main features of all these shows during this era was their penchant for 'goth makeovers'. The formula would be pretty consistent, parents fuming that their teenager had dyed their hair black or listens to Marilyn Manson - can something be done urgently to make them "normal" again?
Cue calling in a team of "stylists" to totally strip these perfectly normal teens of all their identity, and return them to the stage and jeering crowd dressed like an extra from Friends.
If you're not familiar with this era of telly - or corner of YouTube - here are five of the best goth makeovers and family showdowns... and none of these retro scenesters would look out of place on one of our fave Instagram accounts, 1990s Mallgoth.
Fashion history lesson on Oprah
Leather jackets! Studs! Corpse paint! Mullets! All of these are a nod to the Victorian forefathers of Goth.
From Goth to BROS
When Rob and I first met, we were both thrilled to meet someone else who used to make 'arms' from pairs of tights. And now I can announce that Aron from Maury is also a member of this elite group.
A couple of years ago Aron, who in the space of a few hours went from having a beautiful head of hair to looking like a Bros tribute act, became Twitter famous.
According to one Reddit poster who claims to know him, he is now a "normal dad" and has lost "all traces" of his gothness.
We'll never know if things would have been different had Maury and his team not stuck their noses in and taken away his lip liner.
Alan is a massive hypocrite
You'd think that a man who looks like a Metallica roadie would be OK with having a goth kid.
Ricki Lake proved otherwise when she welcomed Alan to the show. Alan was angry that his son Alan Junior dressed like Marilyn Manson.
Like Aron there was a peak of interest as to what became of him, but unlike the "normal dad", he was the one trying to drum up interest.
"Let's meet the man whose blood Leslie drinks... for fun!"
Vanessa Feltz upped the stakes (lol) in 1995 when she welcomed some British vampires to the stage of her hideous talk show.
They all look cool AF.
Ironically, the people in the audience were in dire need a goth makeover.
Typically for the era, Vanessa passes the microphone around to all those in the audience chomping at the bit to have a go at the freaks on stage.
But they clearly didn't get the memo that when it comes to vampires, they bite back.
There's a tense moment when one guest, who looks like a frizzy-haired Deirdre Barlow, denies being a bad mum just because she looks like she a vitamin D deficiency that is so severe doctors are astounded she is still alive.
"They wouldn't let you in to church looking like THIS!"
I always liked the bombastic titles Jenny Jones used to give her talk shows. This one is actually called 'I traded the geek look for the radical FREAK LOOK'.
Other shows of hers included: