Spotify has a lot to answer for, least of all its dodgy algorithm that made out Britney Spears was my most listened to artist of 2019... anyway I’ve already got a strong contender for “most ridiculous new favourite old song of the year/DECADE”, and it’s only January 6!
This morning at about 6:30am David Lee Roth’s Yankee Rose entered the playlist - and what a banger.
It starts out with him discussing a hot woman with a GUITAR. Yes the guitar sort of speaks. Absurd.
From that moment, I was hooked.
Without the genius of Eddie Van Halen as a distraction, DLR’s vocals sound even worse than usual, and the lyrics are atrocious. The only saving grace for this absolute masterpiece in cock rock trash is the video - and the song’s SATANIC connections.
I’ll be focusing on those as the video is just a Frankenstein's monster of big hair; some of the vilest crotch-shots ever committed to celluloid; more sequins than you'd see on a middle aged women's girls' night out; and some impressive/pointless neck-snapping guitar throwing. Oh and DLR kicking a balloon to release loads more balloons inside.
You'd be forgiven for assuming that Yankee Rose is about a hot American woman walking around minding her own business. David Lee Roth doesn’t really sing about anything else.
But did you know that ‘YANKEE ROSE’ is also the final phrase printed in Anton LaVey’s Satanic Bible? [insert Blades of Glory ‘no one knows what it means, it’s provocative’ quote here]
Sadly it doesn't seem that Dave Lee Roth has swapped Van Halen for Hail Satan.
According to Wikipedia, his version of Yankee Rose, the first single from his 1986 solo album, was written ‘as a tribute to the Statue of Liberty’ as she turned 100.
Err, did DLR have a boner for an inanimate object? I’ve already read about a weirdo who is ‘married’ to ‘Libby’ - does she know the worst singer in hair metal history is after her wife?!
Some people claim that DLR opted for this song title to boost his star power during the Satanic Panic that had gripped the US during the 80s. The track also followed closely on the heels of Van Halen smash Running With The Devil.
But when you look at the video and see a grown man in stripey yellow leggings and a glittery codpiece leaping about and rubbing himself, it becomes clear he is actually the sort of nutter who would have a lively conversation with a guitar about wanting to shag a 93m tall statue.
Yes I know this is the second time I have thought I have 'discovered' a secret Satanist, if you didn't know already, Edwin Starr is 100 per cent not a devil worshipper, either.