Bring back Boglins! Modern kids are missing out on monster playtime

For those with younger children, you maybe aware that ruling the roost for this year’s must have toy at Christmas is Cubby Bear, a freakily expressional and dextrous bear who will act as a surrogate parent for just enough time to allow you to smoke a fag on the toilet.

But whence I was a young warthog the toy market was awash with My Pet Monster, Monsters in my Pocket, Wearbears and Madballs - we were still in the age of having to use a hand as faux intelligence, and strapped to that was a Boglin.

In 1987, Mattel released the first line of Boglins and it became a worldwide hit, and homes everywhere were invaded by the flexible rubber fiends.

So now, we ask politely but firmly to give us back a taste of the monstrous 80s and allow us to interact with a potentially sweary, crude and flatulent AI Boglin. And yes, we want them to do everything in this advert without the use of a hand, won’t somebody give me some Boglin hand relief!

Dubbed the ‘King of Gross’ in the 80s, Boglin creator Tim Clarke continues to make toys, in the true vein of 80s horror, and has some badass Boglin t-shirts on his website here, which I'm most certainly ordering right now... [this is not an advert, this is a call to arms]

Viva la Boglin!

If you want even more gross nostalgia, this vintage interview with Metallica will stop you ever seeing Beavis and Butthead in the same light ever again!