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Horror-scopes: Alien's Ellen Ripley is the most cold blooded Capricorn you'll ever meet


Self-sufficient and not touchy-feely, Ripley is a perfect Capricorn babe

Ellen Ripley was born on January 7th, 2092 at the Olympia colony on Luna - and I'm just assuming that people are "still in to Horoscopes" 72 years from now. I won't find out first hand unless I manage to live past 100 - hopefully not.


Capricorn women don’t have the best rep, and from the ones I have spent years being best friends with, I can vouch for all their negative qualities.


Motivated by status and wealth, Capricorn women can come across as cold and selfish, career focussed, blunt and often are unable to find a partner that meets their insanely high standards... I’ve had a front row seat to all of it.


NOW READ: Reagan MacNeil from The Exorcist is every Scorpio you've ever feared

Independent and unapproachable? She's a Capricorn!

That doesn’t sound like Alien franchise heroine Ellen Ripley in the slightest, yet surprisingly she shares plenty of other attributes with her Seagoat (no, no idea either) sisters.


It’s near impossible for us to know what Ripley is like with men as she’s usually focused on kicking ass not ogling it - which might be as all the men on her ship are beneath her in the pecking order, which is enough to make a man invisible to these women.

Blunt and cold? She's a Capricorn!

The closest we get to seeing that side of her is when she hooks up with Charles Dance’s character Clemens in Alien 3.


I actually met Charles Dance when I was invited to a Game Of Thrones premiere in 2015, and when I told him I thought Alien 3 was the best film of them all, he looked at me like I had grown a second head and stormed off... and that concludes my TED Talk on why celebrities are tossers, and my natural tone of voice makes me sound like I’m always taking the piss.


NOW READ: Dracula - the wandering Sagittarius fuckboy you've been warned about

A typically bossy statement from a Capricorn woman

Back to Ripley, after perusing the experts from Astrology Zodiac Signs' summary of Capricorn women, I realised she is actually very typical of this much-maligned Earth sign.


Some of their key points:


"The only thing that can make her act on instinct is panic fear.... In general, she lives by the principle “an eye for an eye” and although she knows that all debts get settled by nature, when she is angry enough she might take justice into her own hands" - hunting down an alien all on her own? TICK.


"She will give it her best shot to convince you that she is tough, strong, and that there is nothing she cannot handle in life... If she doesn’t end up in a role of a victim, there is a great chance she will take on the responsibility for everyone else’s lives" - see above, and add 'pet cat' in to the mix. TICK.

Capricorn woman? She's bossy

"She is an incredible rock to lean on at any time, even when she lacks compassion and an understanding for the usual, everyday problems of mankind. She is reliable and strong, ready to share and take responsibility, while focused on her goals, determined and able to endure" - Ripley has survived FOUR Alien movies, including giving birth to a Xenomorph. MASSIVE TICK.

"Wow grandma what big teeth you have"

Also, doesn’t Ripley just strike you as the kind of person who has a massive chip on their shoulder as their birthday is super close to Christmas?

Is there a better sci-fi 'universe' than Alien? Tell us in the comments below!



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