Horror-scopes: Evil Dead's Ash Williams is SUCH an Aries
Just as you wouldn’t go to Clarks looking for anything other than a pair of ugly shoes, no one comes to me for anything other than astrology-based advice (and skincare recommendations).
I've spent about 20 years honing my craft as an 'armchair astrologer', so I can safely say I've dished out plenty of solid/dodgy advice - but people come back for seconds so obviously I’m 50% right most of the time.
In fact, I like to think that one day my words of wisdom (and DIY spell recipes) will live in a book not unlike the Necromicon, although the cover of my book will be in better nick as I intend to age as little as possible. Ever.