Just as you wouldn’t go to Clarks looking for anything other than a pair of ugly shoes, no one comes to me for anything other than astrology-based advice (and skincare recommendations).
I've spent about 20 years honing my craft as an 'armchair astrologer', so I can safely say I've dished out plenty of solid/dodgy advice - but people come back for seconds so obviously I’m 50% right most of the time.
In fact, I like to think that one day my words of wisdom (and DIY spell recipes) will live in a book not unlike the Necromicon, although the cover of my book will be in better nick as I intend to age as little as possible. Ever.
Which brings us neatly to today’s Horror-scope - Ash Williams from the Evil Dead.
It's thanks to a driving license made by the prop department on Evil Dead that we know that Bruce Campbell's most famous alter-ego was born on April 8 1957, making him an Aries.
When it comes to people arguing with Aries, I've always cracked out the same analogy, "see them as a human-shaped ram. They will literally smash their head against any issue until they get their own way, you cannot reason with them.”
Could this (sometimes frustrating) approach to life also include replacing a possessed hand with a chainsaw and going on a one-man mission to fight the undead? Once they get an idea in their head, YES.
But what's a typical Aries man? The sky gazing sages at Compatible Astrology sum it up perfectly, writing: “The Aries man is a mixture of fearless warrior and undisciplined child.
“Aries is one of the easiest signs to understand, these are action people, extroverted and assertive.
“They want to be in charge, the boss, the hunter, the instigator. They are typically confident, fiery, bold, spontaneous and independent.”
Through the Evil Dead Trilogy we’ve seen Ash fight Deadites, a ‘she bitch’, a skeleton army and a survive the medieval Spike Pit.
In Ash vs Evil Dead, we’ve seen even more gory carnage - and that he’s still a bit of a shagger at 60-odd.
Again, very Fire Sign.