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Horror-scopes: Evil Dead's Ash Williams is SUCH an Aries

Ash Williams Evil Dead birthday
Solves any problem by destroying it... classic Aries

Just as you wouldn’t go to Clarks looking for anything other than a pair of ugly shoes, no one comes to me for anything other than astrology-based advice (and skincare recommendations).

I've spent about 20 years honing my craft as an 'armchair astrologer', so I can safely say I've dished out plenty of solid/dodgy advice - but people come back for seconds so obviously I’m 50% right most of the time.

In fact, I like to think that one day my words of wisdom (and DIY spell recipes) will live in a book not unlike the Necromicon, although the cover of my book will be in better nick as I intend to age as little as possible. Ever.